It was opening day of turkey season, and someone was beating reveille on Fergie Foreman’s front door. Fergie knew without asking that it was T.P. Lodge, proprietor of the T.P. Lodge Lumber Company and the man who had, to Fergie’s astonishment, given him the day off -- on condition he take him hunting.

"Good morning, Mr. Lodge," Fergie said as he wearily opened the door for his employer and former commanding officer. "I thought we agreed you’d get here at 5. It’s only 3:30."

"Yes, but you know what I always say, Fergie! There’ll be plenty of time to sleep in the grave!"

"But, sir, it won’t be sunrise ‘til 6:30. Legal shooting time is half an hour before that. We don’t have to walk down to the woods for two hours yet."

Fergie might as well have been talking to his dear, departed daddy – the only man in human history who ever held a candle to Lodge when it came to being hard-headed. So, against his better judgment, he was soon trotting into the pre-dawn darkness without so much as a cup of coffee, much less his usual ham and eggs. The unwelcome turn of events needlessly reminded Fergie why he had never, ever volunteered to guide anyone on any hunt, for big game or small. Guiding meant making decisions for another person in difficult situations, and Fergie sometimes had enough trouble making up his own mind about everyday occurrences.

Furthermore, if Fergie had wanted to open a guide service, T.P. Lodge would have been the last person on earth he would have chosen for his first client. The man had been giving him orders ever since he’d driven his Jeep during the Korean Conflict. The other men in Colonel Lodge’s command had said his initials must stand for "Tougher’n Patton," but old T.P himself would only admit to being tough as the hard-fighting general.

Fergie Foreman and the Big Boss's Gobbler (Petersen's Bowhunting May/June 2004)

When Homer "the Greek" Virgil, president of the Kickapoo County Sportsmen’s Club, heard new member Newt Newcombe had broken a leg on a deer scouting trip, Homer immediately paid Newt a call to tell him to get well soon and ask him whether he’d spotted any scrapes and rubs. With the 10^th Annual Big Buck Contest with the Kaskaskia County Sportsmen’s Club starting the very next day, the Kickapoos needed every scrap of intelligence they could get.

"I saw more’n just sign!" Newcombe said when Homer popped the question. "Mr. Virgil, I saw the biggest ol’ wallhanger I’ve ever seen – maybe the biggest one anybody’s ever seen! I’m tellin’ you, sir, that ol’ boy’s rack’s got at least 12 points, and maybe a couple more! Its spread is 25 inches, and probably wider, and its tines are dang near that tall! And you talk about beam length and mass! You ain’t never seen neither ‘til you’ve seen this here hoss! Why, he’ll score 250 on that there Buckmasters system without even breakin’ a sweat!"

"Two-fifty, huh? Well, that’d make him a prize winner, sure enough, if we could get him. Prob’ly even take that there Golden Laurel award them folks give out. Whereabouts did you see this here behemoth buck at, Newt?"

"On Tittle’s Mound, early this mornin’," Newcombe said. "I busted him out of his bed and got so flustered that I fell over backwards."

Homer was well familiar with the scene of Newt’s misadventure. Tittle’s Mound was in the south end of Kickapoo County, and the boundary with Kaskaskia County ran right along its highest ridge. It was part of the Southern Illinois Ozarks, and was named for one of the region’s pioneer families. The Tittles had many descendants and many friends in both counties, and the rivalry between the two branches was fierce when they met on the football field, the basketball court, the baseball diamond – and especially in the woods or on the water.

That battle for supremacy continued a tradition established long before the Tittles, or any other white men, arrived, Homer explained to Newcombe.

"I sure wish I’d knowed you was plannin’ to go there, Newt," he said. "I’d have warned you to be mighty careful, ‘cause some folks say the place is haunted by the spirits of the Kickapoo and Kaskaskia warriors who fought to the death there purt near 300 years ago. Them Kickapoos was outnumbered two to one, but they still took ever one of their enemies with ‘em to the Happy Huntin’ Grounds!"

The Curse of the Behemoth Buck and Nine Other TALL Tales

The Curse of the Behemoth Buck (Buckmasters August 2006)

The Adventure of the Man Who Sniffed the Wrong Stuff (River Country Outdoors September 1990)

An “H” of a Way to Hunt (Buckmasters December 2000)

The Blaze Orange Brand (Previously Unpublished)

The Adventure of the Mad Cow Killer (Previously Unpublished)

Henry Johnson and the High-Tech Hunter (Turkey Call July/August 2004)

The Adventure of the Dog Day Cat Fight (River Country Outdoors October 1997)

Jack Bean and the Unbelievable Bull (Previously Unpublished)

How Stanley Lost Livingstone (Petersen's Bowhunting October 1999)

The Man Who'd H.A.D. It With Hunting (Previously Unpublished)